Thursday, January 12, 2006

Straddle the Fence

Last night on my way home from my church’s youth step team practice I heard the gospel song, “You Can’t Straddle the Fence” by Nu Beginnings. It was one of those moments where I almost pulled over just so I could better pay attention. Some of the lyrics are:

You call your self a true missionary but spend all night creepin with Sister Mary. And y’all women on the front row with your skirts real high. The preacher can't preach cause you keep catching his eye.

You call yourself a fulltime deacon Sunday but all them young girls call you 'sugardaddy’ on Monday. And all you saints on Sunday morning you shout real loud but before the sun goes down you spreading rumors and telling lies.

Slipin and slidin creepin and hiding partying out all night on Saturday; praising the Lord on Sunday turn on right back on Monday.

You can't straddle the fence. You can't straddle the fence.

Though you may not be struggling with the exact issues mentioned in the lyrics, it was convicting for me to think about other ways in which I straddle the fence. I thank God for his grace and mercy but often, when I’m honest, I rely very heavily on that grace and mercy instead of repenting. Instead of turning my back on my sins I ask for forgiveness each time I feel guilty….and when I don’t, I don’t.

I call myself a Christian – a follower of Christ. I long to be a good role model for the children in my church; I work hard to put on a good exterior when inside I’m not all I convince people I am. I admit I straddle the fence. I am very Christian in some ways and not so Christian in others. I know that this is part of my growth as a Christian – as a person. I think I’m in a weird stage of life. A sort of coming of age all over again. I know I need to go through a Eustace (Voyage of the Dawn Treader) process. Now that I’ve tried time and time again to shed my own skin, I need to let God ‘undress’ me. Though it may be painful, I am convinced that it will feel lovely in the end.